Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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