my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
