I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
