I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I party with great urgency now.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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