i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
