remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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