If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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