are you still at the devil's house?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
