I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
