I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
