You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
