People in love make me want to vomit
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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