She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
