I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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