I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm always down for nudity.
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