the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
