that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
