I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im drinking this country out of the recession.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
