wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She announced her abortion via fbk
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
