So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
