lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
