Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
