you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
