Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
