i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
