So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
