Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Of course I have a pirate flag
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
