Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
