I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
