my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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