nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
And then the night went full on bisexual.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
