He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
