You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
