one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
