i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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