can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
