dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
