Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
