i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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