I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
