I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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