I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
