I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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