one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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