dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
