My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
