how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
