End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
