and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
