My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
