So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
