I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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